The Butterfly State Read online

  Dr Cosgrove greeted them warmly and seemed very pleased to see Tess. Kate stayed in the waiting area while Tess went into the office with him and, sensing they would be a while, walked down the corridor towards the main building. Small groups of children sat in rooms where they appeared to be receiving lessons, others walked past her with nurses scolding them for bad behaviour. Kate didn’t like the feel of the place. She remembered the two occasions that she had got as far as the foyer but could not come any further. On both occasions she walked the length of the quays while waiting for the last bus home, trying to figure out why she couldn’t bring herself to see Tess. Was it guilt at not preventing the police from taking Tess away? For no matter how strange the child had been, Kate didn’t believe she had murdered their father. But what could she have done? Tess had been found there, standing over his body.

  Kate could hear a child crying which echoed down the long tiled corridor and followed the sound where she found a young girl sitting on the floor outside a wood-panelled room. She had long mousy brown hair and deep green eyes, filled with tears. Kate stooped down and wiped the child’s face, feeling her own eyes well up.

  “What’s wrong, love?” she asked softly.

  The child looked up, surprise written all over her little face. Kate could see deep cuts on her arms, old cuts, and wondered who could have done such a thing to this child.

  “I want my mammy! I want to go home!” she cried, her chin quivering as she looked into Kate’s face.

  Before Kate had a chance to answer, a nurse came out of a nearby room and smiled at both Kate and the child who had now suddenly stopped crying.

  “Can I help you?” the nurse enquired kindly.

  “Oh, no, I’m just waiting on someone. Is – is that child okay? She’s looking for her mother.”

  “Oh, that’s Mary,” the nurse said casually. “She’s fine. She gets like this sometimes.”

  “Is – is her mother – around?”

  The nurse led her away until they were out of earshot and whispered, “No, most of the kids here don’t have anyone or, if they do, they don’t want them back.”

  Kate felt an overwhelming urge to cry and put her hand over her mouth to avoid embarrassing herself.

  “That’s awful, I didn’t know . . . I didn’t . . . excuse me!” Kate rushed off towards the room where Tess would be waiting. As she ran, loud sobs came from her mouth and filled the empty corridor. She hadn’t known what it was like here for her little sister. She had tried not to think of Tess in this place over the years. Had she been calling for her, crying on a cold corridor as that child had been? She couldn’t bear to think about it. She had wanted to ask Tess what it had been like but could never bring herself to, worried that what she might hear would confirm her fears.

  She found a bathroom to wash her face and stood there for a while, waiting for the redness to leave her eyes. When she returned to Dr Cosgrove’s room, Tess was in the waiting area. He asked Kate to come in and speak to him alone.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs . . .?”

  Kate was embarrassed that this was the first time she had met the man who had worked hard to help her sister and reddened slightly, wondering what he must think of her.

  “Miss . . . Miss Byrne . . . Kate,” she said as she sat uncomfortably in the seat her sister had occupied only minutes before.

  “How do you feel Tess is settling back at home?”

  Kate didn’t quite know how to answer him. Tess was Tess. She had good days and bad days, but mostly good days. Kate understood her most of the time and knew, sometimes before Tess did, when she was heading for one of her meltdowns. Kate no longer saw these episodes as a problem. They were a normal part of her sister’s life, of Kate’s life.

  “She’s fine,” she replied. She could think of nothing more to say but felt the doctor wanted more from her.

  “Tess tells me someone wants to buy her paintings?”

  “Yes,” Kate smiled. “A local art centre. I wish him luck. She’ll only have handed them over when she’ll want them back!” She laughed and noticed that Cosgrove laughed too. She lowered her head. “Can you tell me, was she . . . all right here? Was she . . .” She didn’t know how to finish her question, didn’t know what she wanted to hear. “Over the years, I didn’t come because I . . . I tried . . . I just couldn’t . . .” She searched for words. Tears started to roll down her face. “I couldn’t bear to leave here without her. She relied on me and trusted me and I let them take her away. I’ll never forgive myself for that. I was young and I think I was more worried about my wedding being ruined than my poor sister.”

  “You couldn’t have prevented it. There was strong evidence that she committed a violent crime and she needed help.” He paused. “Do you think she murdered your father?” He was glad to finally be able to speak to someone who knew Tess well.

  Kate looked sideways towards the wall and sniffed. It didn’t look like she was going to answer and he was contemplating changing the subject when she finally spoke.

  “He was cruel to her, to all of us, but mostly he ignored her. She was an embarrassment to him because of her ways. The strange thing is she asked me when he would die only a few days before he was actually killed. He was drinking heavily since our mother’s death and was causing a lot of trouble in the house.”

  Kate sat silent, aware that Dr Cosgrove was watching her closely, watching her eye movements, her body language, and scrutinising her every move.

  “You still didn’t answer my question,” he said finally, his tone friendly but direct.

  “No, I never believed she did it.”

  When they left his office, Dr Cosgrove told Tess he didn’t think he needed to see her again but if she had any problems at all to call him. He gave her a card with his direct line on it. There was something so vulnerable about this young woman. He had an urge to hug her but instead offered her his hand which she shook quickly and weakly.

  Tess waved back at him as she walked down the corridor. Together she and Kate walked through the huge building which she knew her way around so well. Kate thought Tess would be nervous here but, although she was quieter than usual, she seemed calm and relaxed. As they moved through the older part of the building, Kate was astounded to see Tess running into the arms of a tall black man who was mopping an identical corridor on the ground floor.

  “Leroy!” Tess squealed.

  Leroy, looking equally delighted, lifted Tess up, her legs dangling as he waved her about like a rag-doll. Kate stood open-mouthed. Kate had never seen Tess hug anyone before like that.

  When Leroy finally put Tess down, they stood smiling at each other.

  “Leroy, that’s my sister,” Tess said.

  Kate moved forward and shook hands with Leroy.

  “I’m Kate, pleased to meet you. Tess has told me all about you.” Well, almost everything, she thought to herself.

  Leroy smiled back at Kate, knowing or at least suspecting what she was thinking.

  “I’m Declan,” he finally said. “Tess calls me Leroy. It – it used to be my nickname.”

  Kate looked confused but didn’t ask.

  They went to the foyer and talked, Kate leaving the two friends alone for half an hour while they caught up on their news. She walked outside but could see them through the glass doors. She noticed their conversation had quietened down and could see them say the odd sentence and sit smiling at each other. Tess seemed happy. When she returned Tess stood up and almost immediately walked away from Leroy who didn’t seem surprised by his friend’s unusual behaviour. It was almost lunch-time and Tess was hungry. Leroy smiled as Kate reminded her sister to have manners and he moved closer to hug her goodbye but this time she only permitted a quick sideways hug, her excitement at seeing her old friend obviously beginning to wear off.

  “I’ll write to you,” Leroy said.

  “When?” Tess asked. She needed to know because then she’d know exactly when to expect a letter in her post box.

/>   Leroy laughed. “Friday. That way I can tell you all my week’s news.”

  Tess nodded and made a mental note that the letter would arrive on Monday and walked away from her friend, who was used to her idiosyncrasies, without looking back.

  They had time on their hands and walked back slowly towards the city centre. Kate hoped the long walk would give them a chance to talk. There was something that she had to know, something she had finally found the courage to ask.

  “Tess, was it awful there – at the hospital? Please be honest with me.”

  Tess thought about her answer for a few seconds. “I had to bite some kids, Kate. They touched my property.”

  Kate looked at Tess, wondering if her sister was trying to make light of the situation but she could see by Tess’s face that she was being honest.

  Kate smiled. “Did you bite them hard?” she asked, laughing.

  “Yes, Kate. As hard as I could.”

  The two sisters laughed as they walked side by side towards the quays, Kate not knowing that Tess had saved her from knowing exactly how hard it had been for her there for all those years. It didn’t matter now, they were together and they were safe from biting kids, from Michael Byrne and from the two-headed caterpillar.

  Kate explained the purpose of their visit to Simon McCarthy, a new associate at the solicitor’s firm. She had brought Seán’s death certificate and identification for both herself and Tess who sat nervously in the chair beside her. Kate had often wondered how her mother had come to have the business card of this company in her handbag which had led Seán here all those years ago. She looked around the plush office which was not the sort of place her mother would have felt comfortable in and her family had always used the local solicitor in Knockbeg. Seán said this Dublin firm had never heard of their mother and she had not done any business with them. It was a mystery that Kate felt would never be figured out.

  The polite young man said that Tess needed to sign for the deeds which had been changed into her name at the land registry when her father died and her brother had become her guardian. He asked the sisters to follow him down a long hallway while he took the deeds from the locked area. At the end of the hallway he asked them to wait in a small sitting area, the walls of which were adorned with photographs of staff over the years. Tess, who was bored and seemed slightly agitated to Kate, walked along the walls, nosily peering at photographs and paintings as Kate sat, exhausted from the day, in a large comfortable chair. Even though it was a cold day, the sun shone through the long windows on the opposite side of the room. Kate felt as though she could easily sleep, the pregnancy was making her feel so tired. It had occurred to her once or twice that the baby might have the same condition as Tess or Ben, that perhaps they had inherited it from their mother instead of Michael Byrne and it worried her a little. She sat there, with her eyes closed to block out the sunlight, lost in thought when she heard Tess let out a gasp of air, as if someone had punched her. Kate looked up and saw Tess, frozen, looking at a photograph on the wall.

  “What is it, Tess?” Kate wearily asked, too tired to get up and see.

  Tess simply pointed at the photograph. Kate groaned and stood. Her back ached and she wished she had worn more comfortable shoes. She walked to the other side of the room and as she moved closer to her sister, she could see the look of shock and fear on Tess’s face.

  “What’s wrong, Tess?”

  Tess was still pointing at the row of smiling men and women in the photo which looked old, taken at least ten, maybe fifteen years ago. Kate looked and saw Tess was pointing at a smiling man in the front row of the photograph.

  Kate peered closer. The sun was reflecting off the photograph and as Kate was at an angle she could not see it clearly.

  “What, Tess? What’s wrong? Tell me.”

  Kate was worried. She could see something had frightened Tess badly.

  “It’s a secret, Kate,” she said as her face crumpled with fear.

  Kate could see her sister’s chin quiver and knew she was about to lose control. She looked closer at the photo, holding her two hands around her face to block out the sunlight. There were about eight people in the photograph which was taken outside the building. They wore 1970s-style clothes with brightly coloured, patterned blouses and wide-legged suits. Kate looked at each face individually before stopping at the man Tess had been pointing at.

  He had red hair. He was smiling broadly and she could clearly see his broken front tooth. He was the man in Tess’s painting. She turned to look at her sister. Tess knew this man, but how?

  “Who is he, Tess? How do you know him? Please stay calm.”

  Tess had begun to claw at her dress as though it was covered in dirt. She wiped her face roughly as though it too was soiled. She rubbed her hands on her dress and started to rock back and forth as she often did when she felt threatened. Kate was embarrassed. A secretary passing by stopped and asked if everything was all right. The young solicitor had returned and stood staring at Tess who was now sitting on the floor as Kate tried to calm her.

  “Tess, please stand up, please, Tess! It’s okay, we’ll leave here now. Come on, please stand up. Let’s go, Tess!”

  Tess seemed incapable of hearing her sister’s pleas. She continued to rock back and forth and started to emit a loud, low moan.

  People started to come out from their small offices and stood looking at Tess whose moaning was quickly turning into a sharp shriek that apparently even Tess herself couldn’t stand to hear as she covered her ears with her hands. Finally, two men arrived, the shocked secretary having called them. They were well dressed and when staff moved out of their way to let them through, Kate knew they must be the managers, or perhaps the owners of the firm.

  As Tess looked up she started to scream even louder.

  “I won’t tell, I won’t tell! Blood! Shhh, it’s a secret, I won’t tell, I won’t tell. Who’s your mother? Wet shoes!”

  She repeated these phrases over and over, her pitch rising with every repetition.

  Kate turned to see one of the men was the man in the photo, the man Tess had drawn in her lake painting as an insect. Beside Seán. Why? Then a sickening realisation enveloped her. This man was their father.

  “I only went to see the butterflies, Kate!”

  Kate felt like this whole scene was moving in slow motion. Her heart pounded and a wave of nausea made her shiver.

  “You’re the caterpillar, you were there . . . you’re . . .” Kate knew people were looking at her. “You were at the lake that day. My God, you did it, you killed him!”

  Kate felt her sister’s hands grab onto her and turned to see Tess lift herself off the floor. She held onto Kate as though she might break in two. Her legs trembled like those of a newborn lamb and she seemed scarcely able to stand. She buried her head in Kate’s coat and did not look at the man who stood motionless, his eyes darting back and forth among the crowd.

  Roberts, the senior partner of the firm, who had arrived with McCracken, peered closely at him, questioning.

  “What’s going on, Éamonn?” he asked, perplexed and resentful of the scene that was taking place in his offices.

  McCracken moved his mouth, as if to speak, but sensing the uselessness of this he turned quickly and hurried down the corridor, disappearing through the back door at its end. People who had worked with this man for over thirty years stood staring, uncomprehending. Two other men followed him, not knowing what they would do if they caught up with him and what any of this was about.

  Roberts brought Kate and a shivering Tess into his office where the staff could not hear. Over the years Roberts had heard through associates that McCracken was involved in the Republican movement. He had turned a deaf ear to it as long as it didn’t interfere with his work and it hadn’t. McCracken brought in more business than any other solicitor and four years ago Roberts and his senior partners had invited him to join them. Some of the clientèle he had brought were not quite Roberts’ preferred type but the
y had paid their bills and it was, after all, a business. But this was different. Roberts had no idea what any of this was about but he was about to find out.

  Kate explained as much as she knew while Tess sat stunned and mute. She was still shaking and continually turned her head towards the door, afraid that McCracken would come after her for finally telling the secret that he had forced her to keep all those years ago.

  “You’ll be going to the police, I assume?” Roberts asked, hopeful that his firm could be kept out of it yet knowing how ridiculous this hope was. It seemed McCracken had committed an awful crime and had allowed this young woman to take the blame.

  “There’s more,” Kate finally said, clearing her throat. “I think he might be my father.”

  Tess was woken out of her terror as quickly as if someone had thrown a bucket of icy water over her. Kate quickly turned and placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders.

  “Tess!” she said firmly. “I will explain all of this to you later and we’ll talk about what we are going to do, okay?”

  Tess nodded but was clearly shocked and bewildered.

  Kate asked Mr Roberts if they could leave, explaining that she needed to take Tess away from the offices to calm her. He explained however that he needed to call the police as this was a criminal matter. Then he ordered tea and biscuits for the sisters.

  After a stressful wait, the police arrived. The tea and biscuits had distracted Tess and she had by now calmed sufficiently to make a statement. After Kate added hers, they were allowed to go and were informed that detectives would call on them the next day at their home.